WWE Monday Night Raw Results and Review 3/24/14

SRC wwe.com

What’s this? I’m back suckaaaasssss! That’s right, Sir Jorge is back in business thanks to a few gigs writing and a lot of time on social media busting balls. Before I get into the review, I want to say that CM PUNK SUCKS. The review is based on the HULU version of Raw, because I do not/cannot afford cable.

WWE Monday Night Raw Results and Review

This Monday, Stephanie came out to talk about last week’s actions against Daniel Bryan. Stephanie is marvelous at the role of trying to push the fans, and it’s grand. Orton came out to talk about how he’s going to win, which is what all the champions do. I hate Orton. He has the charisma of a paper plate. I hate these long intros, but you, you already knew that.

CM Punk quits because of Batista.

When Batista’s music hit, that’s all I could think about. Batista isn’t the best, but he didn’t quit like Punk did and walk away like a chump. His music hit and of course we got more discourse. A slow start to Raw, in my view. Stephanie slapped the hell out of Dave and basically called her a SLUT! I loved it.

Goodbye Stephanie! Great opening segment that led to a spear by Batista. I do not think Batista is the next champion. I don’t think Bryan is either. I’m thinking Punk returns to screw Bryan over. Orton retains then goes back to being backup quarterback for the Dallas Cowbooys.

Christian defeated Dolph Ziggler, Sheamus, and Alberto Del Rio in Fatal Four Way Match

Christian’s run has to be coming to an end. This match was a spot fest for the most part, and I don’t mind that. I love seeing as much wrestling as we can get, and not everything has to be a hard fought technical masterpiece ala Dean Malenko. This match sufficed to entertain, and Chrsistian’s win comes as a surprise to me. I thought Ziggler would win, especially after the top rope fame-asser…I forget what it’s called now, but who cares. Good match, solid ending, Christian gets a shot at the IC title, and will lose.

Triple H turned into the “GAME” and said he’d be champion, which I didn’t care for.

Hogan up next and his segment in which The Miz came out and tried to assert his dominance. Cheap pops abounded, and Hogan was welcomed with warm arms. Miz then got beat up by some random idiot and then got hit by Arnold and Hogan. A Real World joke was made, and I got bored, you did too, admit it. Where’s the wrestling at?

John Cena vs. Luke Harper NO Contest

John Cena really meshed well with Luke Harper. Harper is a dirty wrestler, and it shows, while Cena tried to mix in his signature moves. Cena does a good job staying in character, and his move set is offset by Luke’s constant changes and random brawling style. I like how Harper is a throw back of sorts, moving through wrestling moves and just brawling, which is just good. Harper is wild, and it shows with how he works with Cena. The lights went out and Cena was left tied to the ropes in a weird mask, and that was that. The crowd was insanely happy, I was confused, and the Wyatt family once again prove to be the best thing on WWE Raw right now.

Naomi defated Aj Lee by count out

AJ Lee was supposed to wrestle Naomi but got herself counted out fast. I don’t like the divas division, and this once again proves why. I hate it. Vickie came out to say that AJ Lee would wrestle Naomi, Cameron, Brie Bella, Nicki Bella, Natalya, Eva Marie, Emma, Aksana, Alicia Fox, Summer Ray, Rosa Mendes, Layla, and Tamina in the first ever Vickie Guerrero Divas Championship invitational.

The Shield defeated The Real Americans

This match was ok, nothing too spectacular. The Real Americans seem to push a great team, and The Shield is showing signs of weakness. I’m not sure what the gimmicks are here, but they are definitely pushing the beat downs to all new levels. I guess they are ok, but eh, I don’t really care for them. The Real Americans bore me, and it feels like The Shield is just second fiddle to the Wyatt Family. Entertaining match though, so I liked that. Apparently The Shield will wrestle the Corporate Outlaws and Kane at Wrestlemania…boring.

Heyman came out to talk about Lesnar and Undertaker….it bored me. Oh and Undertaker came out and did a little shuffle with lesnar, but who cares? Undertaker is overrated. The streak is lame, and I proved that long ago.

Overall Raw Rating: 3/5

The show was light on wrestling, heavy on talk. That's how things go in the WWE today, I presume. The build up to Wrestlemania is getting stronger, but with these throwaway matches, I'm not sure I'd invest heavily. Oh well.