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| Scott Steiner called in to my podcast to say, "He's FAT". Just saying. |
This night in WWE history was interesting, and it was predictable. So predictable that I predicted all of the results except for 1.
Here we go, the results and review for this year's Fastlane.
WWE Fastlane 2017 Results
Rich Swann and Akira Tozawa def. The Brian Kendrick and Noam Dar (Kickoff Match)
Samoa Joe def. Sami Zayn
Raw Tag Team Champions Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson def. Enzo Amore and Big Cass
Sasha Banks def. Nia Jax
Cesaro def. Jinder Mahal
Big Show def. Rusev
WWE Cruiserweight Champion Neville def. Jack Gallagher
Roman Reigns def. Braun Strowman
Raw Women's Champion Bayley def. Charlotte Flair
Goldberg def. Kevin Owens to win the Universal Championship
WWE Fastlane 2017 Review
Rich Swann and Akira Tozawa def. The Brian Kendrick and Noam Dar (Kickoff Match)
The opening match was actually quite good. This match featured Swann and Tozawa putting on a showcase of moves against the heels. Someone said that this was thrown together, but it wasn't. Swann and Dar have been fighting with Alicia Fox in the middle of things.
Samoa Joe def. Sami Zayn
Sami Zayn lost like I said he would. He got beat down, and while he put on a nice show, Joe won making Zayn pass out. Oh well.
Raw Tag Team Champions Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson def. Enzo Amore and Big Cass
This was a far better match than any podcast said it would be. The Club Sandwich boys won with smart tag team action. Enzo and Cass are headed for a big break up.
Sasha Banks def. Nia Jax
Nia Jax should've won here. Banks got beat up a lot, and by some miracle won. She made Jax tap out, done and done. This was a disappointing ending.
Cesaro def. Jinder Mahal
Jinder My Balls is so jacked, how does he not get in trouble for steroids? Cesaro won a very entertaining match, which wasn't announced beforehand.
Big Show def. Rusev
Big Show beat the hell out of Rusev. The burial of Rusev is complete now, goodnight.
WWE Cruiserweight Champion Neville def. Jack Gallagher
Wow. This was the best match of the night. Neville really put on a show with Gallagher. Gallagher threw down a great deal of moves. It was a great match, and even my wife looked up from her smartphone here and there.
Roman Reigns def. Braun Strowman
Roman Reigns, wow. The Burial of Brown Shoeman is complete. Braun looked good, went for a huge splash and missed. Reigns wins CLEAN. I kid you not.
Raw Women's Champion Bayley def. Charlotte Flair
Bayley won a hard hitting match, but it wasn't without Sasha Banks interfereing. Flair wasn't in tip top game here. Bayley pushed through a great match, but not without a few misses, so I guess that's something to remember.
Goldberg def. Kevin Owens to win the Universal Championship
Did I call it or did I call it? Goldberg BURIES Kevin Owens fast. Kevin Owens loses in 21 seconds. That's the end of this.
Mark my words. GOLDBERG defeats Lesnar in 18 seconds at Wrestlemania. I'm calling it here first.
Or
Goldberg vs. Lesnar vs. Kevin Owens vs. Chris Jericho for the Universal Title will be announced so that Goldberg can lose the title to a full timer.
Or
There will be a money in the bank ladder match, and the winner will cash in on Goldberg and WIN.
The opening match was actually quite good. This match featured Swann and Tozawa putting on a showcase of moves against the heels. Someone said that this was thrown together, but it wasn't. Swann and Dar have been fighting with Alicia Fox in the middle of things.
Samoa Joe def. Sami Zayn
Sami Zayn lost like I said he would. He got beat down, and while he put on a nice show, Joe won making Zayn pass out. Oh well.
Raw Tag Team Champions Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson def. Enzo Amore and Big Cass
This was a far better match than any podcast said it would be. The Club Sandwich boys won with smart tag team action. Enzo and Cass are headed for a big break up.
Sasha Banks def. Nia Jax
Nia Jax should've won here. Banks got beat up a lot, and by some miracle won. She made Jax tap out, done and done. This was a disappointing ending.
Cesaro def. Jinder Mahal
Jinder My Balls is so jacked, how does he not get in trouble for steroids? Cesaro won a very entertaining match, which wasn't announced beforehand.
Big Show def. Rusev
Big Show beat the hell out of Rusev. The burial of Rusev is complete now, goodnight.
WWE Cruiserweight Champion Neville def. Jack Gallagher
Wow. This was the best match of the night. Neville really put on a show with Gallagher. Gallagher threw down a great deal of moves. It was a great match, and even my wife looked up from her smartphone here and there.
Roman Reigns def. Braun Strowman
Roman Reigns, wow. The Burial of Brown Shoeman is complete. Braun looked good, went for a huge splash and missed. Reigns wins CLEAN. I kid you not.
Raw Women's Champion Bayley def. Charlotte Flair
Bayley won a hard hitting match, but it wasn't without Sasha Banks interfereing. Flair wasn't in tip top game here. Bayley pushed through a great match, but not without a few misses, so I guess that's something to remember.
Goldberg def. Kevin Owens to win the Universal Championship
Did I call it or did I call it? Goldberg BURIES Kevin Owens fast. Kevin Owens loses in 21 seconds. That's the end of this.
Prediction For Goldberg
Mark my words. GOLDBERG defeats Lesnar in 18 seconds at Wrestlemania. I'm calling it here first.
Or
Goldberg vs. Lesnar vs. Kevin Owens vs. Chris Jericho for the Universal Title will be announced so that Goldberg can lose the title to a full timer.
Or
There will be a money in the bank ladder match, and the winner will cash in on Goldberg and WIN.
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