WWE Monday Night Raw August 29, 2016 Results and Review: The Kevin Owens Showcase

This is Boring, Stop Doing This WWE

Another Monday Night has passed on, and I didn’t write this sooner. A lot of things went down on Monday and Tuesday, and here I am, going to talk about some of it because I only got to see the HULU versions of each show. That’s because I can’t afford cable, and no one buys crap from the links provided. Suckers.

WWE Monday Night Raw August 29, 2016 Results

Seth Rollins, Roman Reigns, Kevin Owens and Big Cass discussed the Fatal 4-Way WWE Universal Championship Elimination Match
Chris Jericho def. Neville
Nia Jax def. Hyan
Sami Zayn def. Jinder Mahal
WWE Tag Team Champions The New Day & Bayley def. Luke Gallows, Karl Anderson & Dana Brooke
Sheamus def. Cesaro; leads the Best of Seven Series 2-0
Braun Strowman def. Americo
Paul Heyman paid Brock Lesnar's fine and apologized to Stephanie McMahon
Darren Young def. Titus O'Neil
Kevin Owens def. Seth Rollins, Roman Reigns and Big Cass to become the new WWE Universal Champion

WWE Monday Night Raw August 29, 2016 Review

A lot went down, but I don’t recall most of it. I was tired, and it’s a lot of the same old BS on the show. Here are some memorable elements, or at least things that stuck out.

Long Winded Talk Opener

The opening segments on the shows kill me. I don’t want to see a lot of talking. I never liked that. I don’t like any talking to open shows, as I’m trying to watch wrestling. But alas, we’re in a new era so I guess you just have to suck it up, because that’s what you’re going to get, talking.

Sheamus defeated Cesaro

This is awful. Does anyone actually want to see these guys wrestle 7 times? Terrible match, terrible ending, I’m hoping that it doesn’t go through all 7 matches.

Match Rating: 2 out of 5

WWE Tag Team Champions The New Day & Bayley def. Luke Gallows, Karl Anderson & Dana Brooke

The Club Sandwich boys are terrible. Here’s another example of how they are being buried on Raw. I don’t care about them, you shouldn’t either. Bayley is cool and all, but this was a waste of talent on the show. I didn’t like it.

Match Rating: 2 out of 5

Kevin Owens def. Seth Rollins, Roman Reigns and Big Cass to become the new WWE Universal Champion

I didn’t see this swerve coming. Kevin Owens actually wins the big one. That’s right, Kevin Owens is your new Universal Red Fruit Roll Up Champion. He won only after Triple H eliminated Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins by hitting a pedigree on each one of them, and letting Owens get the pin. That’s it. There’s your new champion, and Jim Cornette can go to hell.

Match Rating: 4 out of 5

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WWE Cruiserweight Classic August 24, 2016 Results and Review: A Mixed Bag of Wrestling

See, this unnecessary! How Is This Special? Crisp though, Crisp Indeed

The WWE Cruiserweight Classic had their final second round matches and it sets up the quarterfinals as the tournament continues. So far, I’ve seen all sorts of wrestling, but these last few bouts have been rather interesting. With that in mind, let’s discuss the following break down of 3 matches that made up the final second round offerings from August 24, 2016.

WWE Cruiserweight Classic August 24, 2016 Results and Review

Rich Swann def. Lince Dorado (Second Round Match)
Zack Sabre Jr. def. Drew Gulak (Second Round Match)
T.J. Perkins def. Johnny Gargano (Second Round Match)

WWE Cruiserweight Classic August 24, 2016 Review

Rich Swann def. Lince Dorado (Second Round Match)

Lince Dorado is a great lucha style wrestler. Swann has some great swagger and good backstory. This match was interesting, focusing on a mixed bag of wrestling. I don’t like Lince’s offense at times, it makes no sense to me. That’s my problem with a lot of the smaller guys, though. They are doing unnecessary things to entertain, but they defy logic. For instance, a plancha off the top to someone on the floor is unnecessary if the guy is already groggy. That’s just my two cents. This match was interesting with Swann going over with a strong style finish.

Match Rating: 4 out of 5

Zack Sabre Jr. def. Drew Gulak (Second Round Match)

This was an outstanding match up. I wasn’t convinced that Zack Sabre Jr. was worth the hype until I saw him in this one. Drew Gulak put on a showcase of strong style, fast paced mat wrestling, but it was Sabre Jr. that made me a believer. He took on the offense that Gulak had and then threw down some serious punishment, reversals, and just impressive move set. These guys were playing chess in the ring, and it was definitely the best I’ve seen in the tournament thus far.

Match Rating: 5 out of 5

T.J. Perkins def. Johnny Gargano (Second Round Match)

This main event was everything you’d want in a professional wrestling match. The match featured a lot of elements of standard mat wrestling, and some great back and forth high flying. Perkins has the charisma thing on lock, and Gargano’s precision is great to see. This was a match you’ll want to go back and watch this thing again. It was an instant classic in my opinion.

Match Rating: 5 out of 5

The Miz Obliterates Daniel Bryan and Makes Him Cry

The video that is making rounds right now online is a heated one. It shows The Miz going off full shoot against Daniel Bryan. To the point where Bryan starts look like he’s going to cry. The Miz tried to keep things in kayfabe, but Bryan seemed to push it, and things really turned ugly. Here’s the full video of The Miz showing why he’s an absolute powerhouse. Bryan looked like he was going to cry so bad, I’m surprised it didn’t turn into a fight. This is as good as you’re going to get in 2016. The Miz is an absolute beast here, and wow, he just obliterated Bryan to the point of tears. GTFO Bryan, GTFO.

Best line: “If you love wrestling so much, then why don’t you leave and go to the bingo halls with the rest of your indie friends!”

The Miz is the BEST Mic Worker since Cm Punk’s pipe bomb, simple as that.

WWE Smackdown Live August 23, 2016 Results: Ziggler Has To be Done Now

The Once and Future King of WWE In My Book 

One of the coolest things about having Hulu is that you can watch the full broadcast of Smackdown Live. That’s more than I can say about WWE Raw. However, Raw sucks compared to the work that is being put into Smackdown right now. So here we go, a few notes and things from the broadcast of Smackdown Live that was done this past Tuesday.

WWE Smackdown Live August 23, 2016 Results

Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan unveiled the SmackDown Women’s and Tag Team Championships
Becky Lynch def. Alexa Bliss
The Usos def. The Ascension in a SmackDown Tag Team Championship Tournament Match
Bryan made a match between AJ Styles and Dolph Ziggler with major Backlash implications
Carmella ambushed Nikki Bella’s return to SmackDown Live
Bray Wyatt began to prey on The Viper
American Alpha def. Breezango in a SmackDown Tag Team Championship Tournament Match
AJ Styles def. Dolph Ziggler

WWE Smackdown Live August 23, 2016 Review

Not that you need me to say it again, but I don’t run down the full card, I just talk about the things I recall and remember. I don’t take notes anymore, because no one cares about long winded trash talk that I can throwdown, obviously.

Becky Lynch def. Alexa Bliss

I was in the supermarket and found that Alexa Bliss was on the cover of Women’s Fitness, which is rad. But then why would you have her lose here? I don’t know why, but what I do know is that Alexa Bliss loses to Becky Lynch, even though Lynch has been on a downward spiral in the women’s division. I’m sure the Feminazis on twitter are going to be mad that this match wasn’t the main event of Smackdown. A quick match with a boring finish.

Match Rating: 2 out of 5

Heath Slater Steals The Show Again

Heath Slater is gold. He has the fans behind him, and this time around he gets another chance of being a Smackdown roster member. How is he going to have to do it? Well, he had to find a tag team partner tonight and in order to get a contract, he will need to win the tag team tournament with his partner. Through the night he was shown trying to convince people to team with him. Of course, he couldn’t find anyone, until out of nowhere comes Rhyno! Heath Slater and Rhyno are a team and if Slater can win the tag team tournament, he’ll get a Smackdown contract.

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Randy Orton looked like a chump

Randy Orton got punked out by Bray Wyatt. The same Bray Wyatt that loses every feud. You know, the guy that has been injured so many times, it’s starting to be funny. Orton looked like a chump. Who cares.

Aj Styles BURIED Dolph Ziggler

JBL said it best when he said that Ziggler can’t win the big matches. Well here he had a chance to get another shot at the Dean Ambrose title, and he couldn’t get the job done. Aj Styles put on a clinic against Ziggler, and was able to pin him after a lot of action. Ambrose was on commentary, and he was boring. He isn’t a “lunatic” anymore. Stone Cold was right, he’s resting on his laurels, it’s stupid and he sucks. He’s a boring champion. Aj Styles will make the championship mean something if he wins.

Match Rating: 4 out of 5

Ziggler is done in my book.

Final Notes on Smackdown

The night wasn’t that great. Smackdown is better than Raw, no doubt. But how much better? Not by much on this night. There’s a new women’s title, which looks dumb, and new tag titles which aren’t half bad. Overall, though, Smackdown flew by because it’s a 2 hour show and they pack in a lot of wrestling. I am looking forward to the Brock Lesnar versus Shane McMahon match, though. That was set up to be grand.

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WWE Monday Night Raw August 22, 2016 Results and Review: Rollins Is Unsafe

The Shining Spot for WWE This Week

Monday Night Raw has come and gone, and people were wondering what was going to be the fall out from Summerslam. Well, what you’re going to end up seeing is a lot more of the same old BS that made the old era, well, tired. This time around the show opened up with Finn Balor giving up the WWE Fruit Roll Up Title to Seth Rollins. It should be noted that Bret Hart said on a podcast that Seth is UNSAFE and he injures people.

Everyone had their panties in a bunch, and then the Summerslam match happened. As soon as I saw Rollins throw Balor into the barricade, I knew he was injured. I called it on twitter, I called it in my house, and yet NO ONE GAVE ME CREDIT. That’s how big my site is. Whatever. I called it first, and you can believe me or not, but Seth Rollins is unsafe, and should be fired. The guy sucks. He injured Finn Balor, he injured John Cena, he caused Sting to retire. They fired Ken Kennedy for less. Whatever. Here’s what happened on Raw, I only saw the HULU edition, and am still upset over the lackluster showing at Summerslam this year. What a crock of dog…never mind.

WWE Monday Night Raw August 22, 2016 Results

Finn Bálor relinquished the WWE Universal Championship
Seth Rollins def. Sami Zayn to advance to next week's Fatal 4-Way WWE Universal Championship Match
Kevin Owens def. Neville to advance to next week’s Fatal 4-Way WWE Universal Championship Match
WWE Tag Team Champion Big E def. Karl Anderson
Titus O’Neil called out Darren Young
Big Cass def. U.S. Champion Rusev via Count-out to advance to next week’s Fatal 4-Way WWE Universal Championship Match
Bayley def. Dana Brooke
Braun Strowman def. Johnny Knockout
The Shining Stars confronted The Dudley Boyz
Roman Reigns def. Chris Jericho to advance to next week’s Fatal 4-Way WWE Universal Championship Match

WWE Monday Night Raw August 22, 2016 Review

As you know I don’t run down everything that happens, I just talk about what I remember and what was actually worthwhile, so here we go.

Seth Rollins def. Sami Zayn to advance to next week's Fatal 4-Way WWE Universal Championship Match

Sami Zayn got injured in this match, or at least faked it, but you know what was funny? The commentary team kept mentioning that Seth Rollins injures people. Good job, play it up you putz. I hate the commentary on Raw. Anyways, this match wasn’t half bad, but you knew that Sami was not going to beat Rollins. The whole night was predictable, and that kind of sours the whole pro-wrestling thing for me sometimes. Rollins wins after the predictable pedigree, and that’s it. Nothing to see here. Zayn may or may not have hurt his ankle. Does it matter?

Match Rating: 3 out of 5

Bayley def. Dana Brooke

Bayley finally comes to the main roster, only to take the place of Sasha Banks, who is legit injured. People were saying it was a wellness violation, but it’s not, she’s just injured. She’ll be back in a month or so. Bayley, for now is going to match up well against Charlotte, but will not win. Dana Brooke put the boots to Bayley, but it was Bayley’s night to shine, so the match went well enough. Feminazis on twitter are going to hate that this match wasn’t the main event or even longer than about 10 minutes. I can already see them hating the divas revolution.

Match Rating: 3 out of 5

The Club Sandwich Boys beat up The Dudley Boys

The Dudleys are either kayfabe retiring, or they did not renew their contracts with WWE. They are a joke team now. The Club Sandwich guys showed up to beat up The Dudleys, but I don’t care about them. Oh and the Puerto Rican guys were out there to talk trash, only to get beat up as well. Overall bad segment.

Roman Reigns def. Chris Jericho to advance to next week’s Fatal 4-Way WWE Universal Championship Match

I knew the winner before it started. Roman wins. He’ll get to the main event spot, he’ll win, I am going back to sleep.

Match Rating: 2 out of 5

Final Raw Notes

In the end, Raw sucked. You know it, I know it, and everyone at the building knew it. One shining moment doesn’t make for 3 hours of fun. No mention of Brock Lesnar, or the fact that he doesn’t care about wrestling and just makes money. Also, no signs of Randy Orton, but maybe he’ll be on Smackdown to declare it’s the end of his career. Who cares, who knows, this is all a bunch of BS.

Even the HULU edition of Raw sucked this week. Maybe Smackdown will be better, I don’t know. We’ll see.