WWE Wrestlemania 34 Results and Review

Ronda Rousey at WM 34 - src wwe 

Welcome to New Orleans and the latest edition of WWE Wrestlemania, this time there were 78,133 people in the building and the card was stacked from top to bottom. This seemed to go 9 or 10 hours, but it was only around 7 hours. If you saw it, then you may wonder what my thoughts are and if you didn’t see it, you may want to know what my thoughts are anyways because you read this diatribe of mine.

WWE Wrestlemania 34 Results and Review

Matt Hardy won the Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

This was a cluster of a match but it ended well enough. There were some highlights, including Mojo getting Zack Ryder out, and lots of eliminations, until it was Matt Hardy that won the match. He would win thanks to the lights going out and Bray Wyatt showing up to befriend him. The two are now WOKEN together!

Cedric Alexander defeated Mustafa Ali for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship

I love these two, but I feel that I’ve seen this match happen many times before. It was good, but in 12 minutes, there’s not much that could be told about it, so I guess it was ok at best. I have seen these two do this match before, many times it seems.

Naomi won the Women’s Battle Royal

This was under 10 minutes and was somewhat boring. Naomi was great at the end after Bayley eliminated Sasha Banks, and would become the big winner here. It was not bad, but it was far from good either. Under 10 minutes, that’s the revolution folks.

Seth Rollins defeated The Miz and Finn Balor in a triple threat match for the Intercontinental Championship

A good back and forth match with some impressive moments from The Miz. The Miz wasn’t a slouch here, he had some great momentum to disrupt the better wrestlers. I was impressed by his work here, and of course Balor and Rollins were great as usual. Lots of broken pinfall attempts, lots of counters and lots of fun to see in this match.

Charlotte Flair defeated Asuka

In only 13 minutes, Asuka’s streak was broken by Charlotte Flair. The two wrestled a good match, but it was painfully obvious that they were getting rushed. It was a hard hitting affair, with Asuka’s chest turning bright red and blistered after some heavy chops from Charlotte. Asuka worked on the arm of charlotte, but it wasn’t enough, she put on the Figure 8 and made it Asuka tap out. Hell of a match for only being 13 minutes.

Jinder Mahal defeated Rusev, Bobby Roode, and Randy Orton for the United States Championship

Wow, in just 8 minutes and some change Jinder Mahal was able to capture the United States Championship, and well, the modern day Maharaja continues to win, and it baffles many. This was a fast match, and it featured a lot of quick moments, with distractions and Jinder Mahal getting the pinfall victory.

Kurt Angle and Ronda Rousey defeated Triple H and Stephanie McMahon

This was by far the most entertaining 20 some odd minutes of professional wrestling that I’ve seen a rookie put on ever. Ronda Rousey is amazing, and she put on a show, and it was great to see her work. I am so proud of her, and love her. She is truly an amazing woman, and was able to get the wrestling thing down well, and made Stephanie McMahon tap out with relative ease. I loved it. I cannot say enough about how great this match was.

The Bludgeon Brothers defeated The Usos and The New Day in the WWE Smackdown Tag Team Championship Match

The teams only had about 5 minutes to work, so the match didn’t get too hot, and it was dead when the Bludgeon Brothers won. Oh well.

The Undertaker defeated John Cena

In 3 Minutes, John Cena was buried. But first out came Elias and got a beat down for his troubles. The Undertaker looks old, I don’t want to see him wrestle anymore.

Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon defeated Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn

This was better than I thought and no one turned on each other. The match was 15 minutes long and it was a fun back and forth match with Daniel Bryan eventually getting the hot tag and making Zayn tap out. The match was fun, and I loved seeing Daniel Bryan back in action.

Nia Jax defeated Alexa Bliss for the WWE Raw Championship

Holy crap, Nia Jax put the boots to Alexa Bliss. Bliss did a great deal of offense, however, but this time around it was Nia Jax’s night and she was able to get the pinfall after some great offense overall.

Aj Styles defeated Shinsuke Nakamura in the WWE Championship Match

A 20 minute boring and methodical match ensued here. This was not nearly as good as their New Japan fight, and it sufficed in many ways to be a slow moving, well plotted match for what it was. However, after the match Nakamura low blowed Styles and became a bad guy. Ok. The match was not great.

Braun Strowman and Nicholas defeated Cesaro and Sheamus for the WWE Raw Tag Team Championship

In 4 minutes, Braun Strowman did quick work of the BAR. He picked a kid from the audience to be his partner, and that was that.

Brock Lesnar defeated Roman Reigns in the WWE Universal Championship match

What a load of crap. Lesnar was blown up, he looked tired and like he didn’t care. Roman carried Broke many times, and even got the brunt of Lesnar being too tired to work, and made him look great. However, at one point Lesnar busted open Reigns the hard way with his elbow, and then threw down another F5, 6 in total, and pinned Reigns to win the match. I’m so sick of Lesnar. He wins, oh well.

Overall, Wrestlemania was a fun show to watch, even if it was a little long. The Rousey match was my favorite and I loved her even more for getting out there and being great. Other than that, Flair and Asuka was good, and so was the Nia Jax match. Other than that, this was a mediocre showcase, and I’m glad I didn’t go to New Orleans. But I will be in Chicago twice this year for WWE and All In shows.

WWE Wrestlemania 33 Predictions

This weekend, a lot of wrestling is going to happen. While I will be reviewing and discussing NXT Takeover, I am not going to discuss it right now. I’m not going put predictions on it, even though I know The Drifter is going to the main roster.

What I will be talking about, however, is Wrestlemania 33 predictions. These are based on my opinions and not spoilers. I am not going to Wrestlemania this year, but maybe I will go next year. I don’t know. I don’t have any friends, and don’t know anyone, so I’m going to explore other options first.

WWE Universal Title Match
Bill Goldberg defeated Brock Lesnar

I’ve crunched the numbers. I’ve watched old Goldberg matches, and I’m going to say that this one is easy booking for me. Bill Goldberg is once again going to bury Brock Lesnar. Lesnar is going to get embarrassed because of all of the b.s. that he has said in the past. He has gone on record to say that he doesn’t give a flying F about what Stephanie McMahon thinks, and is only into wrestling for the money. Well, let’s teach him a lesson, Goldberg will bury him, then the title will get dropped via Money In The Bank or another method. Goldberg will beat Bork Lazer, bank on it!

WWE Title Match
Bray Wyatt defeats Randy Orton

Bray Wyatt and Orton will wrestle a stiff match because they have no chemistry. I expect Rowan and Harper to show up and align themselves with Bray Wyatt again. Orton will lose, and that’s going to be the end. Unless, he was promised a title because of doing the job to Lesnar and getting busted open hard way.

Fatal 4 Way Elimination Match for the RAW Women's Title
Bayley defeats Nia Jax, Sasha Banks, Charlotte Flair

Bayley retains her title. There is going to be a point where Bayley’s friendship is going to get tested. She’s going to pick up the pieces of a Nia Jax and Sasha Banks beat down. Flair will not be a factor, and Bayley will have to decide if she is really friends with Sasha Banks or if the title means more. This is going to be the story, but Bayley will win and hang on by a thread.

WWE United States Title Match
Kevin Owens defeats Chris Jericho

Kevin Owens and Jericho will put on a fine match, but it’s going to be Owens that wins and that’s that. He will have the United States title, and will get booked like a chicken again, and we won’t ever know about the prize fighter’s legacy, because the booking will be stupid. Jericho will go tour with Fozzy.

WWE Intercontinental Title Match
Baron Corbin defeats Dean Ambrose

Baron Corbin will not only win against Dean Ambrose, he’s going to do it with a quotation mark tied to it. Look for Ambrose to do his normal spots, and get bored in the middle of the match, with Corbin finally getting a title and holding onto it for a long time.

Triple Threat Ladder Match for the RAW Tag Team Titles
Enzo Amore & Big Cass defeates Sheamus & Cesaro and Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson

Assuming the Hardy Boyz are not going to crash the party, I’m going to say that Big Cass and Enzo somehow pull it together and defeat the Club Sandwich boys and the foreigners.

However, if the Hardy Boyz crash the party, they will win the tag team titles, and the crowd will erupt in “delete” chants.

Non-Sanctioned Match
Seth Rollins defeats Triple H

Seth Rollins will edge out a victory here. However, Triple H is going to beat the bricks off of Rollins. Rollins will need help getting to the back, and Triple H may bleed for this one.

Roman Reigns defeats The Undertaker

Well, this is the end. The Undertaker will retire after this. Roman will remain strong, and that’s that. Good night old man.

The Miz and Maryse defeats John Cena and Nikki Bella
Special Guest Ring Announcer: Al Roker

John Cena is not only going to lose, he’s going to lose big. Nikki Bella is going to betray him because she is going to realize that Cena will never commit. Cena will go for a tag, or will need help, and she will leave him hanging. The Miz and Maryse will then put the boots to him and he’ll lose. This will cause him to throw in the towel on his good guy antics and he’ll be a super heel.

Shane McMahon defeats AJ Styles

The way they are booking Aj Styles, I’m going to say that he is going to lose against Shane McMahon. I don’t want to see this, so I’ll just say that Shane wins with the help of Daniel Bryan.

Kickoff Pre-show:
WWE Cruiserweight Title Match
Neville defeats Austin Aries

Austin Aries will put on a great match. But he will not win. He is going to lose big, and it’s going to be a major detriment. Neville is going to pull out all the stops, but he’s not going to win easily. Austin Aries is going to get his mouth shut, hard way. Here’s hoping that Mustafa Ali gets the title, that dude is bomb yo. Austin Aries will lose.

Kickoff Pre-show:
Six-Pack Challenge for the SmackDown Women's Title
Naomi defeats Mickie James, Carmella, Natalya, Becky Lynch, Alexa Bliss

Naomi is going to show the crowd the power of Glow, but the time her match is slated to begin, it will still be light, won’t it? Whatever the case is, this match will end with Naomi getting the pinfall, and that’s about it.

Kickoff Pre-show:
Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Brown Shoeman will win the Battle Royal

Braun Strowman, Sami Zayn, Big Show, Dolph Ziggler, Apollo Crews, Jey Uso, Jimmy Uso, Chad Gable, Jason Jordan, Mark Henry, Titus O'Neil, Goldust, R-Truth, Curtis Axel, Primo, Epico, Bo Dallas, Jinder Mahal, Rhyno, Heath Slater, Mojo Rawley, Curt Hawkins, Tyler Breeze, Fandango, Simon Gotch, Aiden English, Kalisto, Viktor, Konnor, Sin Cara

That’s it. Brown Shoeman will win this one that’s it.

As for anything else on the show, I don’t know. I’m going to be sitting at home, drinking as much as I can, and eating more pizza than I know what to do with. I may be right on these, I may be wrong, no matter what though, I’m going to enjoy myself.