Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Tna Impact 1/4/10 Results and Review Hogan Shows Up and More

TNA Impact was a huge talked about show. Hogan and his idiots showed up and a lot of things were to be shaken up. There was a lot of talk about this show, and how it ran up against raw, like Nitro used to. Did it deliver?


Tna Impact 1/4/10 Results

Motor City Machine Guns, Homicide, Kiyoshi, Black Machismo, Consequences Creed, Suicide, and Amazing Red fought in a steel asylum match, to a no contest
ODB defeated TARA in a TNA Knockout’s Championship match
Awesome Kong & Hamada defeated Taylor Wilde & Sarita in a tna knockouts tag team championship match
Hernandez & Matt Morgan defeated Doctor Stevie & Raven
D’Angelo Dinero defeated Desmond Wolfe
Samoa Joe defeated Abyss
Aj Styles defeated Kurt Angle in a TNA World Heavyweight Title Match

Tna Impact 1/4/10 Review

“Time for a change” is the title card we get, like this was an old television show, and that right off the bat sucks, I hate that. The main song “rap core” style is still there, and we go straight to the event! The ring wasn’t shown right away, but everyone was talking about whether or not the ring would change shape, and well?

Bubba The Love Sponge got a job, he’s the new broadcast helper, and the show immediately turned straight to pre-taped segments from earlier of fans dogging WWE. Bubba The Love Sponge talking to all sorts of idiots, and it’s seriously terrible. These fans aren’t smarks that’s for sure, but who cares right? I don’t.

The ring is NOT four sides, it’s still six sides.

Motor City Machine Guns, Homicide, Kiyoshi, Black Machismo, Consequences Creed, Suicide, and Amazing Red fought in a steel asylum match, to a no contest

The rules of a Steel Asylum match really aren’t crazy. You can only win by leaving the six sided, red colored cage. There’s an opening at the top, and well, it isn’t one of Tna’s strong suit.

The action in this match was hard to follow, as Tazz said. The camera angles kept changing on me, and it was hard to see who was hitting who and what spot was getting hit next, but I did notice something major. For this match to go on, and for the wrestlers to get in some action, 6 of the competitors had to just lay down and do nothing or simply wait in the corner and watch. That allowed for two wrestlers to fight in the center, which makes for a somewhat boring match. It’s supposed to be a free for all, yet it has no major likeness to a traditional free for all, if that makes sense. It’s almost like the Royal Rumble, when it gets towards the end, where people take their time and get out of the way to let the center take stage.

That’s not to say there weren’t some cool spots, especially off the cage, but this thing wasn’t always action packed. Homicide had a police baton and struck his own partner and others. The bell started to ring, and this is why TNA sucks.

Inside of a STEEL CAGE, Homicide got disqualified. That’s right, disqualified inside a six sided cage with a top on it! The fans were chanting “This is Bull Shit” and it’s true, TNA shoots itself in the foot on their “epic” show, and the fans were letting him know, and it was getting bleeped out.

Post match Homicide had a hard time getting out of the cage, and to cover the rest of the guys in the match started to climb the ring and he had to get back down. As they all started to fight Homicide, someone’s music hit and guess who came out? JEFF HARDY! Jeff Hardy came through the crowd, over the rails, and was immediately attacked by Homicide. I KID YOU NOT! Homicide and Jeff Hardy, and Jeff hits Homicide with an unprotected CHAIR SHOT! JEFF HARDY comes back to TNA and this definitely is a shocker because rumors had it that Jeff and Punk were headed for a match at Wrestlemania, but apparently Hardy is back on TNA! How weird is that? Anyways, Jeff Hardy is in TNA, Homicide got knocked the hell out, and TNA tries to swerve the internet, but to no avail.

Shannon Moore was also shown on television backstage greeting Hardy after his major debut in TNA. So apparently they are both in TNA now? Whatever. Hogan was not at the show from the beginning, the camera’s cut to a limo and claimed that it was Hulk Hogan coming to the impact zone, and he had two police motorcycle cruisers.

Christy Hemme interviewed Kevin Nash backstage and it her forehead was gleaming like usual along side her face, and skin tight body suit. Wow, how can Big Sexy resist? He wasn’t in “Nash mode” he was just randomly rambling about how great Hulk Hogan was and how great it is to have him in the show. He then talked about how Hogan is going to be making him a lot more money, so he was excited…though not showing much emotion.

ODB defeated TARA in a TNA Knockout’s Championship match

This match started out like it would be an instant classic, with Tara using her martial arts background to get some hits in on ODB and I was interested to see how far this match would go in regards to women’s wrestling. However, it wasn’t that good as within a few minutes this match was over with ODB rolling up Tara and holding the tights to get a win. I can not stress the fact enough, this match was really short. The knockouts are turning into the divas before our eyes. TNA is really making a mistake with this division, if they continue to allow short lived matches like this to progress, especially since they have more talent than the divas…or had more talent.

Post match, ODB got hit with the Widow’s Peak and Tara put her Tarantula on ODB and then we cut to the backstage area.

Backstage out of a limousine, came none other than NATURE BOY RIC FLAIR! No, not a cut out, but seriously, RIC FLAIR on camera!

The show comes back to footage of earlier, and it’s Mick Foley getting barred from the Impact zone. Hemme was out there in a skin tight suit…in broad day light. He was not allowed interest into the Impact Zone, and that was it.

Bobby Lashley came out with his wife, and it was weird. His wife cut a huge heel promo, and started to pull the “Vickie Guerrero” card. The crowd immediately turned, and was booing the crap out of Lashley and his wife. She said that he wants his release from TNA and that this was the last time we will see Lashley in TNA.

Backstage, The Beautiful People were in some closet somewhere playing poker. They then started to attempt at the most unsexy strip poker bit, and it was boring…then we finally get thrown a bone, no pun intended, we cut to commercial. Wow, the Beautiful people sucked (once again no pun intended) the life out of me and what little interest I had in the show up to this point.

Backstage, Waltman and Scott Hall were trying to get in. Security wasn’t letting them in so they started fighting the security guards and it was broken up. Looks like the Outsiders can’t come in easily.

After another series of commercial breaks, out came Waltman and Scott Hall. Then we get another set of commercials! I definitely was annoyed at the amount of commercials they cut into this lame show.

Then we get back to TNA Impact and it’s Hall and Waltman again in the crowd, then we get another set of commercials! It was definitely the most annoying thing in a long time.

After the set of commercials, and one hour into the show only 2 matches in, out came Hulk Hogan! This is what they wanted, and the crowd? It wasn’t anti-hogan but it wasn’t roaring, that’s for sure. It still was a good pop, but nothing like I’ve heard in my youth while cheering him on from the rafters. The Hogan change shirt looked cool though.

Hogan got on the mic and started to talk about how TNA is going to be #1. Mid way through his speech out came Hall and Waltman and security tried to stop them. But Hogan let them through, and they did the N.W.O signal and got mics. “HEY YO” got a nice pop, and I marked out huge…for a second. Hall seems to be ok with keeping his accent like Razor Ramon. Hall and Waltman wanted to party and get big paychecks, and this whole segment just seemed so forced. I didn’t really like it, but eh, what are you gonna do? Remember the last time “The Kings of Wrestling” came out? It was terrible. This time was headed down that road, and I wasn’t sure if they were going to recover, then some random music hit, and guess who it was?

Kevin Nash came down to ringside, and he was not looking too excited. This show was starting to resemble the South Park parody episode of wrestling, and seriously, I was having a hard time getting into it. I kept thinking about how WCW died with these four in control, and WWE threw them out. Hogan kept trying to saying, “we need to change things for the better” and stuff like, “we can’t be like we were once, we need to grow up”, which got some crowd response, but eh, so what. Some more random music hit…oh man…

Out came Eric Bischoff, and the crowd went nuts. I’m so tired of this show already! Bischoff was in the ring with a mic on Hogan’s side and they started talking about how old times changed wrestling forever and what not. Nash, Waltman, and Hall left the ring after Bischoff said that everyone had to earn their place in TNA and that was that, I guess. The live crowd ate it up, but not me. They kept saying that it was time for a Change but nothing was changing, and then we revisit the old storyline with Sting in the rafters and the announcers going nuts about how he’s been missing for months. I didn’t like the angle in WCW that much, except for when Sting would show up and mop up, leading up to Starrcade 97’ and the no-end finish with Hogan and Piper and everyone involved. Wait, that might have been, no it was 1997 Starrcade.

Awesome Kong & Hamada defeated Taylor Wilde & Sarita in a tna knockouts tag team championship match

This match started slow, but picked up into a good opening with Sarita and Wilde trying to do serious double team maneuvers, but Kong was too much for the two of them, at least initially. Backstage the Motor City Machine Guns were knocked out, and the announcers went wild for that, taking us out of the match for a moment. The match continued and there was a double Suicide Dive by Sarita and a huge cross body block by Taylor Wilde onto their opponents outside, and I was definitely impressed as usual by the knockouts. However, we go to yet another commercial break, right when the action was getting really good. After the break, Awesome Kong was in full control, and it was obvious that the tag champs were going to have a hard time with Kong, but Sarita hit a nice springboard second rope dropkick and Kong showed signs that she was indeed human in a nice bump, I couldn’t believe how fluid Kong was in this match up, and that bump proved it greatly for me. Hamada knocked out Taylor Wilde on the outside, and Kong lifted up Sarita into the Awesome Bomb position, as Hamada hit her with a huge Missile Dropkick! What’s this? A TAG TEAM FINISHER? YES YES YES! I marked out huge for this match, as it really made me a fan of wrestling again. These women get match of the night up to this point, wow…finally some legit wrestling on the show!

We cut backstage to Val Venis! That’s right, Val Venis joins the Beautiful People in a game of strip poker. So Val Venis is in TNA now? Wow.

Guess who else showed up? It’s Mick Foley and none other than The Nasty Boys! Yes, THE NASTY BOYS, BOTH OF THEM! Sags and Knobs, the Nasty Boys were both backstage and trying to get in. They didn’t get in, and were thrown out.

Now for the rewind to 1995 here was Raven & Doctor Stevie. They would face Matt Morgan and Hernandez, and the only thing I personally liked was Daffney, she’s my type….the kind that I have no chance with…ziiiing!

Hernandez & Matt Morgan defeated Doctor Stevie & Raven

This match was a non issue, it was possibly one of the shortest matches I’ve seen in a long time. The match had Richards getting a Carbon Blueprint and pinned. That’s it. Seriously, that’s it. What a stupid waste of time.

Backstage The Pope was with Hemme and a random interview. I don’t hate it, but I don’t necessarily like it, especially after the terrible match that just happened. Orlando Jordan showed up, I think…maybe? I’m not 100% sure if it was him or not, but it was interesting. Elijah Burke has some competition now, in an interesting segment that went from the bottom to the top, I started to get interested, then we cut to the ring, and it fell apart again.

D’Angelo Dinero defeated Desmond Wolfe

It started raining money, well, fake stuff like the old JBL bucks. I wish I had some of those, that’s for sure. (The Jbl Bucks) This match started with what are usually called rest holds. Dinero was in rough shape against Wolfe early on, but Dinero got some interesting offense in before this match got too one sided. Wolfe went for the Tower of London but got reversed into an escape and Dinero then confused Wolfe into a small package, and this match was over. This wasn’t a great match, but Dinero had some quick counters, which made it a little more interesting than I’ve would’ve thought possible from these two. I’m still not convinced that Desmond Wolfe is worth his position in TNA as I’ve yet to see him do anything major in ring. Sure he can attack backstage and what not, but in ring? I’m not convinced.

Rhino backstage was laid out too.

Jeff Jarrett was backstage too.

Aj Styles was doing an interview, and Eric Bischoff interrupted and made Aj Styles vs Kurt Angle for the main event, for the world title, which was supposed to be the Genesis main event, but we’ll see what happens.

Jeff Jarrett came down to ringside, mic in hand, and you know we were going to hear from him…again. He basically was bragging about how TNA has come a long way and that they are going to the number one spot. They keep telling me that there was going to be change, but I have yet to see it. This show is boring me now, I’m tired of hearing about change and seeing nothing, just like Obama.

Hulk Hogan interrupted Jarrett. The crowd was chanting Bullshit for the second time tonight, and it’s interesting. Hogan started to talk about how the young guys were going to get the push now, and that Jarrett sucks. Hogan’s act is already tired, I’m tired, I couldn’t wait to see what Raw had for tonight because this sucks now. I’m sick of hearing Hogan’s voice and his random “change” speeches that keep popping up throughout this show.

Daniels was having an interview and JB rushed in and got in the way, the interview ended and Mick Foley busted in and JB let him…kind of.

Shannon Moore and Jeff Hardy were backstage painting a picture…I kid you not, and they had a “meeting” with the big man, whatever that means.

Samoa Joe defeated Abyss

Joe started this match street-fight style, with a lot of punches and kicks, and this match slowly escalated into a more wrestling-oriented match up. Abyss couldn’t get his bearings up front, and Joe was relentless in his high impact offense. Eventually Abyss started to get more offense in, with a strongside slam, big splashes into the corner and charges, dropping Joe several times. Abyss hit a nice chokeslam, catching Joe off the top rope, and things weren’t looking good for the submission master Joe. Abyss took a sick head shot with a chair, and afterwards got hit with Joe’s finisher, he kept reaching for the ropes and it looked like he was going to make it, but he tapped out. Overall this match was definitely a physical one, but it didn’t top that women’s tag title’s match up, which was way more solid by comparison.

Bischoff backstage had to deal with Lashley’s wife. It was a stupid segment.

Bubba the Love Sponge was backstage and Beer Money was laid out cold.

The Nasty Boys finally got into the arena, with help from Bubba.

Backstage Jeff Hardy kissed some tweens and gave them a painting. Then himself and Shannon Moore left in a Lamborghini, each had envelopes…and that was that.

The Nasty Boys tore up the Dudley’s dressing room, and spray painted the walls with “Nasty”. This was definitely interesting, but aren’t the Nasty Boys really old? I thought so.

Aj Styles defeated Kurt Angle in a TNA World Heavyweight Title Match

This match started fast and it seemed somewhat old to me. I felt like I’ve already seen this match many times. A masked man came in and knocked out AJ and the Ref, Kurt started to fight him and he fell outside the ring. I heard the Masked man is Tyson Tomko. The match restarted and the two started to fight each other. FYI the masked man angle has been done many times before. Remember Sting and the Black Scorpion? Remember DDP in WWE? Yeah, it’s a tired gimmick.

I gotta give TNA credit this match wasn’t rushed, it wasn’t short, and it had a lot of wrestling for a free television match up for the title. Angle looked hurt towards the end of this match up, Styles was having a hard time putting the Olympic Gold Medalist away. Styles hit the Styles Clash, and after a near fall Angle was set up for another one but Angle reversed it into an Ankle Lock. It was a no go, and Ric Flair came out to the ramp to watch this match first hand. Styles hit the sweetest 450 splash I’ve seen in a LONG time! The match continued with some great counters by both men, and a lot of near falls. I’m not into the big near falls, as I think it kind of ruins finishers for people, but whatever. Styles hit a nice springboard splash and Angle was done, Styles retains the title in what would’ve been match of the night for me, if the Knockouts didn’t floor me with their tag title match earlier on.

After the match Hogan came out to talk on the mic but was interrupted, and backstage was Mick Foley looking for Hogan. Hogan ran away from the ramp to head backstage. Foley ran into Bischoff and was basically fired, well, almost. The outsiders beat up Mick Foley backstage. Hogan was left standing there looking like an idiot.

TNA’s January 4 impact wasn’t that great. It had two major matches that I liked, a lot of and I do mean a lot of filler. Lots of talk of change, with no major change. I liked the show, but it wasn’t worth all that hype I had to sift through the last couple of weeks. We’ll see if TNA does in fact change things up ahead, if not, then oh well.

1 comment:

  1. I watched RAW instead. All I saw was the Steel cage and hardy's return. sounds like i didnt miss much though.



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