Monday, May 2, 2016

The New Day: Vince McMahon’s latest insult to your intelligence...and you’re eating it up.

And now, ladies and gentleman, I introduce to you a new weekly column. The writer of this column goes by the pen name, Irreparably Jaded. I put out a search for writers, and here is one brave soul that has answered the call. With that in mind, here you go, enjoy a new update to this site to fill in some of the editorial gaps left by myself (Sir Jorge), as we transition to a more serious tone.

Gone are the days of teams like Demolition, The Nasty Boys, Legion of Doom, Edge & Christian...hell, even the Hardy’s and the Rockers. Now we have mismatched wrestlers and fellow superstars getting paired together in blatant attempts to salvage what is nearly an extinct division: tag team wrestling. Sure we have the Dudley Boys again as a nice relic from the Attitude Era but how much longer can we really expect them to be relevant? Another year or two (if we’re lucky)? Once they inevitably get their last title reign (something I’m sure they were promised when they agreed to return to the company full time), I’m sure they’ll hold the belts for a few months, drop them, and quietly fade into the sunset. All in time for them to be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. Possibly as early as next year.

Where Have The Real Tag Team’s Gone?

A Real Tag-Team

As far as traditional tag teams go, we have the Usos, The Ascension (well, one half), and most recently Anderson and (a new and improved) Gallows. Can you name another traditional tag team on the main roster right now? Then of course you have The Wyatt Family. But as potentially legendary as they may be, they are more of a stable now. A great stable mind you, but a stable nonetheless. League of Nations? Also a stable, that Alberto Del Rio was recently quoted as saying they were only brought together so they could all be on the WrestleMania 32 card, so they will be breaking up soon anyway (and news sites claim it’s official).

The Death of The Shield, Dawn Of A “New” Idea

After breaking up the Shield, that left fans with very little reason to even pretend to care about the tag team division. In fact, The Wyatts vs The Shield was the ONLY kind of tag team wrestling people enjoyed. But Why? Well besides a good storyline, something WWE is very uncomfortable with developing these days, they also worked VERY well together. Like teams USED to do once upon a time.

Vinnie Mac’s Money Machine: Tag Team Edition

Thus the wrestling defecation known as The New Day began assaulting our airwaves. To be honest, as soon as I hear one of their voices boom over the arena, I change the channel. I don’t care what they’re wearing, who they’re wrestling or what they’re doing. But during WrestleMania 32 I more or less had no choice, so I proceeded to let them inflict their act on my senses.

Thankfully I had beer at the ready. From the first image of a box of “Booty-O’s” to the trombone to the chants of “New Day Rocks” (“Yes” movement, anyone?), all I could think of was damn how the bar for acceptable tag teams has plummeted. The worst part? The crowd was ALL OVER IT!

This tag team appeals to the lowest possible I.Q. of the population. Give the idiots something to chant and they’ll love you. That’s PG Era Wrestling 101 right there and it seems to work. Personally I find their entire act offensive on multiple levels but that’s a topic for another day.

Here’s hoping NXT is developing some good tag teams and Vince actually allows them to stay together long enough to create a legacy. Because this PG Era practice of sell the most merchandise, tickets and WWE Network subscriptions without actually offending anyone is slowly making WWE antiquated and outmoded and thus expendable to fans with a functioning brain.

- Until next time, I’m Irreparably Jaded, and you’re definitely not. Idiots.

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